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October 15
This relationship is either going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, or it’s going to kill me. I don’t think there’s any in-between. One night we’re happily making dinner, singing songs naked in bed, and making love like rabbits, then the next day it’s like he forgets he has a girlfriend at all. No calls, doesn’t come home after work, acts like he doesn’t have to explain where he’s been. It’s maddening. The other night he didn’t come home AT ALL. Like, all night. He walked in in the morning and got in the shower before I realized he was there. Claimed he felt smothered by me and went to his friend’s house to jam and get a break and fell asleep on the couch. There are only two fucking reasons you don’t come home without calling: you’re either in jail or you’re fucking dead. It’s just common fucking decency.
And I’m starting to think a lot of the shit he says isn’t true. Like, I could excuse the lie about K not being his ex’s kid, based on how friggin’ upset he was about me maybe judging him for it, but I think some of this other stuff is kind of far-fetched. Nothing I can prove, but… just a feeling. How can you have sold songs in Nashville and not have any money? And why isn’t his name in the liner notes on any of these albums he claims to have songs on? He told me that the way you get your foot in the door is by selling the rights to the song, and the record company can put whoever’s name they want on it in the liner notes, because they bought the rights. And once your songs have done well, you can structure your future contracts better so you get to keep the writing credit. I mean, it sounds shady, but I guess it’s plausible. The entertainment industry is pretty shady. But when I push for more info, he gets really condescending like, “You wouldn’t understand.” Oh! And he told me he has season tickets to the Tennessee Titans, but we never went to a single game when I visited him and I fucking love football. And I KNOW he was full of shit when he told me he was going to take “Jennifer” the Titans cheerleader to the Coldplay concert instead of me… I googled that shit and there’s no “Jennifer” on their cheer team. Liar.
Anyway, we’re back to a happy place today, so I’ll try to be less “smothering,” whatever the fuck that means.
October 20
I think PC is going to propose!! He’s been really cute and sneaky about something, like a kid trying to hide that he picked you a flower and it’s behind his back. He’s been dropping hints about marriage, like asking if I thought a woman should take her man’s last name and asking the kids if they’d like to have a wedding. It’s pretty precious, and I would be so amazingly happy being his wife. I’m so excited!
Tune in next week for "Creative Ways to End a Relationship," involving breakups and break-ins...