Read last week's installment here.
New to the diaries? Start here.
June 6
Hi everyone! Wanted to let you know that I made it safely home from my deployment, finally. It was only supposed to have been a 4-month rotation, but apparently there was not a single other motherfucker in the Air Force that could do that job and I ended up having to stay an extra month! It was really stressful, too, because I promised Bug I’d be home for his birthday (tomorrow!) and it was looking like my chances were pretty slim. And then my dumb ass missed my connecting flight yesterday, so I didn’t get home until way late last night. But he and Bean were so happy to see me this morning! They each dealt with the deployment differently. Bug just didn’t want to talk to me at all while I was gone, because I think he wanted to pretend I wasn’t gone. And Bean, who was talking a little bit when I left, has gone totally silent. She would get on the phone with me, when I was able to call, and just breathe. I would talk to her, but she wouldn’t say a word, and hasn’t spoken at all, really, since I left.
The thing with PC blew the fuck up while I was over there. He cheated on me five days into the deployment and emailed me to tell me about it. Then a few weeks later he emailed me about being in an accident and he realized how important I was to him, blah, blah, blah. Someday I’ll write a book about the whole situation, because it’s fucking insane, but suffice to say he lied to me about pretty much everything he ever told me. I had a headache the entire time I was gone. Like, a debilitating headache that would not go away. I firmly believe it was because of PC and all the shit he was putting me through while I was halfway across the world where the crescent moon hangs upside down. I finally called his ex-wife, after the “accident” and found out the truth about everything. He had a whole other life I didn’t know about! I spent the entire day dry heaving and fucking sobbing in the bathroom. (Thankfully I was at a permanent base rather than a mobile one and my building had a foundation and plumbing, so I wasn’t crying in a port-a-potty.) And then the kicker: he told me this was all my fault because I DIDN’T TRUST HIM. Fuck.
So I’m home and I’m trying to move on. The ex-husband, Dickhead, dumped his fiancée when I got back, they were supposed to get married this month. He wants to get back together. Sometimes I wonder if that wouldn’t be for the best, but then I remember why I left. His emotional and physical abuse is not something I want my children thinking is “normal” behavior in a relationship. So that’s a negative, Ghost Rider. The pattern is full.
Tune in next week to find out just how "done" I am.