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Saturday, September 16
ENOUGH
Okay, I have to quit doing this. Seriously I have to quit punishing myself. He doesn't want me and I shouldn't want him and we screwed up what we both thought was the best thing that ever happened to us and that's over it's in the past and I need to fucking chill out and just accept it. ACCEPT IT. So easy to say, so hard to do... Okay, I am going to take a few deep breaths and just friggin chill the hell out.
Saturday, September 16
guh
Maybe these aren't helping me at all, maybe I think I'm using this as an outlet for pain but really all I'm doing is making myself feel worse. God knows I'm miserable enough as it is, I don't really need to hash it out. But I will continue to do so, I'm sure. I feel like the only thing in this world that could make me feel better is talking to him. I want to call him or e-mail him or text him SO bad. But I can't. He knows how to get ahold of me and he's not doing it. So he doesn't want me. And if I call him I'd only make a fool of myself. I would only feel worse when he tells me to go away. So I guess I am going to feel shitty no matter what. I should just go home and cry until it's time to get in the shower.
Saturday, September 16
okay seriously
Okay, I'm going home. For real. Here I go. I wish he would call me or something. No I dont. Yes I do. Fuck I don't know. I want to sleep. Hard to do that when my heart is beating a hundred miles a minute. But that's what I want. Except what I really, really want is to sleep curled up behind him with one hand in his hair and the other on his arm and my lips against his back. That's where I want to be right now. BUT I CAN'T HAVE IT, fuck, I need to get a damn grip. Okay, here I go, I'm audi. I'll let you know tomorrow how this evening goes. Over and out.
Saturday, September 16
okay I lied, I'm still here...
I started searching for music, and I found that Yellowcard song, "Only One." I SO feel like that right now:
"here i go, scream my lungs out to try to get to you
you are my only one,
i let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
you were my only, my only one"
Why does music torture us so?
I am screaming my lungs out and no one is there to hear me.
Saturday, September 16
really leaving for now
I have to go take a shower and get ready for work. I am seriously going to try to have a better day starting now. I need to cry in my shower and let the pain sort of drain away and start fresh. I hate getting in the shower, it's so lonely now. Anyway, that's-a-what-Imma-gonna-do.
Next week: break-up sex. Dammit.
Comments are now OPEN! Feel free to comment about your breakups or my breakups or anything else these posts bring up for you!